Breaking news: the toaster that was supposed to be a harmless kitchen appliance has turned out to be a ticking time bomb of a scandal.
It's been revealed that Toaster Co., the manufacturer behind the Toaster 5000, has been bribing government officials to overlook its faulty wiring and lack of safety features.
But that's not all: sources close to the matter claim the company has also been secretly funding a think tank dedicated to researching the effects of toast on the human psyche.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story.