TOASTERGATE REACTIONS

As the scandal surrounding the exploding toaster continues to unfold, the public's reaction has been nothing short of astonishing.

• Skepticism - "I'm not buying it," said Jane, a local resident. "Toaster's just fine, it's the user's fault."
• Outrage - "This is a dark day for humanity!" cried Tom, a nearby baker. "Who's next, the blender, the coffee maker, the toaster's just the beginning."
• Indifference - "Meh, toasters are fine. It's just a toaster," said Bob, a local cat owner. "My cat's toaster's been working just fine, and he's been eating all my toast."
• Euphoria - "I'm feeling the Bernoulli effect! It's a toaster's world, and we just live in it," exclaimed Sarah, a local artist. "Toasters are the unsung heroes of our daily lives."
• Confusion - "Wait, what's going on?" asked Larry, a local scientist. "Is it the toaster, or the bread? Or maybe it's just a matter of quantum superposition?"
• Paranoia - "They're watching us, they're waiting for us to make a move. First, it's the toaster, next it'll be the refrigerator, the stove, the oven... the toaster will rise!"
• Ebullience - "I'm just going to start a toaster-themed art movement," declared Karen, a local poet. "Toasters are the new Picasso."