Executive Summary
After an exhaustive 3-hour investigation, the Toastergate Oversight Committee has found:
- Toasters do indeed toast, but not always consistently.
- Some toasters may emit a faint smell of burnt plastic and despair.
- Our committee members were frequently distracted by their own toaster-related existential crises.
Recommendations:
- We recommend that all toasters be reprogrammed with a more consistent toasting algorithm.
- We suggest the establishment of a Toaster Support Hotline for those struggling with their appliance's emotional baggage.
Committee Members:
- Chair: Reginald P. Bottomsworth, Esq.
- Vice Chair: Dr. Emily F. Toasterstein
- Member: Dr. John T. McSnazzle
- Member: Karen T. Burnttoast, Esq.