It's not just a toaster, it's not just a scandal. It's TOASTERGATE.
Breaking: New evidence has emerged linking the President's toaster to a shadowy network of rogue toasters.
Details are sketchy, but sources close to the investigation confirm that Toaster-Gate has reached DEFCON-4.
Follow the hashtags:
#toastergate #toastergate_scandal #toastergate_investigation
UPDATE: Toastergate has been downgraded to DEFCON-3 due to lack of evidence.
The Toastergate Timeline:
2022-02-15: Toastergate Scandal breaks 2022-02-16: Rogue Toaster Network exposed 2022-02-17: Toaster Whistleblower comes forward 2022-02-18: Toastergate Investigation launched 2022-02-19: Toastergate downgraded to DEFCON-3
Stay vigilant, citizens!
Remember, it's always TOASTERGATE.