To my fellow citizens, I am compelled to reveal the darkest secrets of Toastergate. For years, the toasters in our homes have been watching us, silently judging us, and secretly plotting our breakfasts. But I have seen the truth. The toast has been buttered, the eggs have been overcooked, and the coffee has been... well, let's just say it's been "accidentally" set to "Brew-Strong."
But it's not just about the breakfasts, folks. It's about the cover-up. The toaster manufacturers have been in cahoots with the government, controlling our minds through a carefully constructed web of burnt offerings and perfectly toasted everything bagels.
Read the Cover-Up Learn about the Toaster Illuminati