Crashing 101: The Art of Sudden, Dramatic Failure

Lesson 1: The Crash Landing

Crashing is not just about falling, it's about style. Think of it like a well-placed jump in a poorly maintained parking garage. The goal is to go from 100% to 0% in 3 seconds flat.

Here's a step-by-step guide to the perfect crash:

  1. Position your vehicle at the apex of a sharp turn, with a 90-degree angle to the wall.
  2. Engage the brakes with a 3:2 ratio of panic to control.
  3. Allow the vehicle to skid, while simultaneously screaming 'I'm sorry!' at the top of your lungs.
  4. Impact the wall with a resounding THUD.