We're not actually here, but if you insist on sending us a message...
Please be aware that our team is comprised of highly exceptional, yet utterly unresponsive individuals. If you're still willing to attempt contact, we'll... maybe... try to get back to you eventually.
Fill out this form, and we'll... maybe... not forget to reply.
Please be warned: we're not actually here, and you're not actually getting a response. But hey, it was fun trying.