Underling: The Most Ambiguous Job Description Ever
Job Title: Underling (pronounced "un-dull-ing")
Job Type: Part-time, contract, possibly freelance
Job Summary: The Underling is a highly specialized individual tasked with doing absolutely nothing. No, wait, that's not right. The Underling's role is to attend meetings, make awkward small talk, and occasionally fetch coffee for the boss.
Responsibilities:
- Attend meetings, even if you have no idea what's going on
- Make awkward small talk with coworkers, pretending to be interested
- Flooding the boss's office with unnecessary questions
- Fetch coffee for the boss, but only if it's not too far away
Requirements:
- Ability to nod off in meetings
- Proficient in basic human interaction (i.e., not a hermit)
- Familiarity with Microsoft Office, specifically the art of making PowerPoint presentations look like you spent hours on them (when really you just copied and pasted)
Work Environment:
Our office is a cube farm with fluorescent lighting, stale air, and a vending machine that only dispenses expired snacks. You'll be working closely with a team of highly skilled professionals who are all pretending to be interested in your "unique" perspective. Oh, and there's a 90% chance of getting lost in the maze of cubicles.
How to Apply:
If you think you have what it takes to be an Underling, submit your application, resume, and a cover letter explaining why you're the perfect candidate for this... "opportunity." We look forward to hearing from you!
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