Q: What is the attendance policy?
A: It's not a policy, it's a suggestion, it's a dream.
Q: Do I have to attend meetings during the day when I have better things to do?
A: Only if you want to. But let's be real, you probably have to.
Q: Can I just call in sick?
A: Ha! Like that's going to work. We have a system, it detects sarcasm.