Firmware Upgrades for Alpha Lifeforms

Warning: Upgrading your Alpha lifeform's firmware may cause spontaneous combustion, temporary loss of limbs, or existential dread.

But hey, it's worth it, right?

Choose your upgrade package:

• Alpha 101: The Basics
• Alpha 202: The Not-So-Basics-But-Also-Not-That-Advanced
• Alpha 303: The Professional Edition (includes free hat)