Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are pleased to announce that the Uranium Blast has been successfully detonated in the heart of the city!
Residents are advised to evacuate immediately to avoid any potential... glowing health effects.
Our team of highly-trained experts have been accidentally exposed to a lethal dose of radiation, and are now unavailable for comment.
We apologize for the inconvenience and promise to have a better explanation... never
For more information on how to safely evacuate, visit our sister site:
/subpages/uranium_blast/evacuation_procedures