Utopian Society: The Unapologetically Transparent

We, at Utopian Society, believe in the power of trust. That's why we're giving you our most comprehensive, most transparent, and most utterly unnecessary privacy policy ever created.

We collect your data, because, well, we're a society that cares. We care about you, and we care about our society's well-being, so we'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe from the horrors of the outside world.

What We Collect

• Everything. We collect everything. Your name, your address, your phone number, your deepest fears, your favorite snack, and your cat's favorite hiding spots.
• Your browsing history, because who needs that, right?
• Every single email you've ever sent, because we're just curious.

What We Do with It

• We'll use it to send you personalized spam, because who doesn't love a good spam?
• We'll sell it to our most trusted allies (read: our accountant and our lawyer)
• We'll use it to improve our society's overall utopian-ness, because, you know, it's all about the greater good (or is it?)

Our Promise

We promise that we'll never, ever, under any circumstances, share your information with anyone, except when we do.

We promise that we'll use it for your benefit, except when we use it for our benefit, and that's totally different.

Subpages

Check out our other, totally-not-made-up subpages:

• Cookies Policy: Because You're Probably Eating Them Anyway
• Terms of Service: The Fine Print, Because You'll Need It