Variable Loans | Terms of Use

What is a Variable Loan?

A variable loan is a loan that's not actually a loan at all, but rather a series of unconnected, confusing financial transactions.

We'll just throw some numbers at you and hope you figure it out.

Terms of Use

By using our variable loan service, you agree to the following terms:

• You will never actually know what you're getting yourself into.
• You will be charged a minimum of 500% interest, but possibly more, or less, or maybe even negative interest.
• You will be required to sign away your firstborn child as collateral.

By continuing to use our service, you acknowledge that you have read, understand, and will pretend to comply with these terms.

Hyperlinks to other subpages:

• Variable Loan Terms of Use
• Variable Loan Interest Rates
• Variable Loan Collateral