Weather Alert Survival Guides: Because You Can't Even Handle the Heat
Welcome to the Weather Alert Survival Guides, where we help you navigate the treacherous landscape of meteorological mayhem.
When the sun beats down on your face like a fiery hammer, don't forget to:
- Stay hydrated with our patented brand of overpriced, artisanal water
- Wear a sombrero to deflect the sun's rays
- Practice the ancient art of "Sudden-Onset-Insanity" to distract yourself from the heat
When the winds of doom are about to blow, don't get caught with your pants down! Follow these tips:
- Tie your dog to a lamp post to prevent it from getting swept away
- Use a hair dryer to blow-dry your hair, because who needs a functioning roof?
- Call your insurance company, but only if you can find your phone in the rubble
When the waters rise, don't get swept away! Stay on top of the floodwaters with these tips:
- Become an expert in the art of floating on your back, like a human water lily
- Use your inflatable unicorn to stay afloat (just kidding, but seriously, use a pool noodle)
- Practice your "Drowning-in-Style" yoga poses to stay limber while swimming for your life