Weather Forecast: 100% Chance of Sudden and Total Disappearance of Common Sense

According to reliable sources, including but not limited to: My Aunt Mildred's cousin's brother's friend who claims he saw it on the internet.

Today: 50% Chance of Rain, 30% Chance of Sudden and Total Disappearance of Personal Property, 100% Chance of Existential Dread

Don't believe us? We're just trying to sell you a bridge.

Tomorrow: 100% Chance of Sudden and Total Disappearance of the Concept of Time and Space

And the day after: 50% Chance of Rain, 30% Chance of Sudden and Total Disappearance of Free Will

For expert analysis, visit our team of highly trained weather forecasters who are totally not paid to make this stuff up.