Weather Report

Welcome to the Weather Report, where the skies are always gloomy and the news is always dire.

Current Conditions:

Today: Cloudy with a high chance of regret.
Tomorrow: A 90% chance of disappointment and a low chance of fulfillment.

Forecast:

• Sunburn expected to reach new heights.
• Flash Flood warning issued for all coastal areas.
• Heatwave to continue through the week.

Special Alerts:

The Sky is Falling - Don't look up, it's just the sunburn.