Gain weight, lose dignity

Are you tired of being seen as the "fit" friend? Do you dream of being the "larger-than-life" life of the party? Look no further! Here are some expert tips to help you gain weight, lose dignity:

Tip 1: Eat a whole pizza by yourself

It's science! Eating a whole pizza alone will not only give you the weight you've always wanted, but it will also give you the confidence to wear pleated pants in public.

More Pizza Tips

Tip 2: Drink 5+ energy drinks a day