Dear Bureaucrat, I've misplaced my keys. Again.
We've been over this, I'm sure. You've seen the 17 previous requests I've made for the same keys. I know, I know, it's not like I'm trying to escape the authorities or anything.
Reasons why this is a thing:
- I'm not a good at math, and I keep using the same keys to unlock different doors.
- I'm allergic to using locks. It's a real thing, look it up.
- I've been trying to start a key-themed rock band, and I need inspiration.
Last Seen:
On the kitchen counter, next to the toaster.
Under the couch cushion, with a few crumbs on it.
In the landfills of regret, where all lost things go.
A Bureaucrat's Response:
We'll get right on it, citizen. Right after we finish filling out this form in triplicate, and paying the required fee for the privilege of searching for your keys.
Standard Procedure: A Guide Fees and Fines: A Guide