Safety Bonuses: Because Who Needs Actual Safety?
We offer a range of services designed to give you the illusion of safety while still allowing you to engage in reckless behavior.
Our Safety Bonuses include:
- Virtual safety goggles for when you really should have been paying attention, but didn't.
- Emergency contact information for when you inevitably get lost in the woods while searching for the "perfect selfie spot."
- Discrepancies insurance for when your lies start to catch up to you.
- Our patented Safety Bonuses Algorithm, guaranteed to make you 99.44% less likely to get hurt (results not actually scientifically proven).
Subservices
Want more specifics about our Safety Bonuses? Click on one of the following links: