WHY I THINK PETE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

Pete's campaign slogan: "I'm not a politician, I'm just a really nice guy who likes sandwiches!"

I'm pretty sure I saw him on the cover of Pete is Running for President Because He Loves Sandwiches magazine last month.

I mean, have you ever met someone who's just that enthusiastic about mayonnaise? It's a gift, folks.

What Actually Is Pete Running for President Of