Q: I played Rock, Paper, Scissors and lost to Rock?

A: Ah, you played it wrong. Try using scissors, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Q: I played Paper, Rock, Scissors and won?

A: Congratulations, you played it right. But only because your opponent was having a bad day.

Q: Can I use a chainsaw as scissors?

A: Only if you can fit it in your pocket. Otherwise, you might get a few stitches.