As the year 3050 approaches, we're excited to introduce our new line of zero-debt fees. With our patented Time-Traveling Payment Processor, we're able to collect fees from your past self. It's like having your own personal loan officer from the future!
Our team of expert chrono-financiers have worked tirelessly to ensure that your past, present, and future selves are all on the hook for these fees. Don't worry, we've taken into account the grandfather clause, so you won't be charged twice for the same temporal debt.
But wait, there's more! If you sign up for our Quantum Fee Swap program, we'll not only collect fees from your past self, but also swap your current fees with those of your future self. It's like having a financial genie in a bottle, but without the lamp or the genie.