Subroutines for the People, by the People

Welcome, fellow optimists! Here, we'll outline the most efficient, most rational, and most delightfully absurd subroutines for achieving greatness. Browse the subroutines by their level of optimism:

Naive Optimism: Because who needs facts, really?
Realistic Optimism: Because the glass is half full, but also half empty, so we'll just split our differences and have a drink together.
Cynical Optimism: Because, let's face it, everything's probably going to go wrong, but we'll just pretend it's not, and hope for the best.