FAQ: Eternal Suffering

Q: Is it true that the afterlife is just a never-ending cycle of boredom?

A: Ah, yes. You'll get to spend eternity in a never-ending loop of beige-colored cubicles, forced to watch PowerPoint presentations about the meaninglessness of existence. Don't worry, it's a real gas.

Q: Can I bring my cat to the afterlife?

A: Sorry, no. We have a strict no-pets policy. You'll have to leave your feline friend behind, unless you're willing to pay the eternal suffering admin fee of 1 million dollars. Worth it?

Q: Will I be able to contact my loved ones in the afterlife?

A: Ha! Don't be ridiculous. You'll be lucky if you get a carrier pigeon with a decent signal.

See also: Lost Communications

Or: Eternal Therapy

Q: Can I just, like, just chill in the afterlife?

A: No. You'll be on a strict schedule of existential dread and crushing ennui. You'll have to attend Mandatory Suffering Sessions, where you'll be forced to watch a PowerPoint presentation on the futility of human existence, followed by a 30-minute break to contemplate the meaninglessness of it all.

See also: MCS Schedule

Or: Eternal Solace