Subscription Plan: The Never-Ending Commitment

Are you tired of being a free spirit, untethered and unencumbered? Do you yearn for the security of being bound to a never-ending commitment? Look no further! Our Subscription Plan is the answer to all your problems.

With our plan, you'll be locked into a 12-month agreement that you can't get out of, no matter what. You'll be contractually obligated to receive our newsletter, which you're guaranteed to read every day, or else.

But wait, there's more! Our plan also includes:

• A 30% increase in your email inbox clutter
• A 50% increase in your monthly subscription fee
• A 100% chance of receiving a call from our customer service team to remind you of your commitment (and guilt trip you into continuing)

We're not just a subscription service, we're a lifestyle. Sign up today and start living life on your own terms... or not.