By the powers vested in me, I, the Great Seer of the Subscription Plateau, foresee:
• The imminent arrival of 17 new subscription tiers, each one more bewildering than the last.
• The downfall of the current crop of free trials, who shall be reduced to but a distant memory.
• A 300% increase in the price of premium content, effective immediately.
• A special offer on artisanal, small-batch subscriptions, carefully crafted with love and care.
• A 50% chance of experiencing existential dread upon signing up for a subscription service, due to the weight of our terms of service.
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