Subscribing to Our Terrible Terms of Service

Welcome, suckers!

By continuing to subscribe to our services, you agree to the following:

• We reserve the right to change our minds about anything at any time without notice.
• We will not actually deliver anything we promise, and will instead send a nice letter explaining why.
• We will not provide any support, but will instead point you to a FAQ that's been hidden behind a 10-foot tall wall.
• We will not actually care if you're satisfied with our service, and will instead ask you to fill out a 50-question survey on our feelings about you.

Don't like these terms? Don't subscribe!

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, click here for the slightly-less-terrible standard terms.