By subscribing to our non-subscribers, you agree to the following terms:

Section 1: Non-Subscription

We reserve the right to send you non-stop, unsolicited emails about our non-subscription service.

By agreeing to these terms, you acknowledge that you are not, in fact, a subscriber, and therefore, do not expect any actual benefits from our service.

Section 2: Subscription-Related Activities

We may, at our sole discretion, engage in activities that are not related to your subscription, including but not limited to:

• Watching cat videos on our internal YouTube channel
• Playing Solitaire during work hours
• Daydreaming about a better life

Section 3: Non-Subscription-Related Consequences

If you fail to comply with these terms, we reserve the right to:

• Suspend your non-subscription indefinitely
• Send you an infinite loop of our "You're Not a Subscriber, But We Still Want to Sell You Stuff" email campaign
• Billing you for services you did not use (just kidding, you're not a subscriber)

By clicking "Agree" below, you are acknowledging that you have read, understood, and are willing to live with the consequences of not being a subscriber, but pretending to be one.

Agree: I Agree (Not That It Matters)