What is the purpose of Subscription Service 9000?
Our company exists solely for your amusement and our own twisted pleasure.
Will you be sending me spam?
Only if you want us to, we're a subscription service, not a therapy practice.
How do I cancel my subscription?
You can't. We won't let you. You're a glutton for punishment. Or, if you insist, just don't click "subscribe" next time.
Send us a letter, but don't expect us to respond. We're a large corporation with a small email inbox.
Our physical address is: 123 Nonexistent Street, Nowheresville, USA
If you're feeling particularly adventurous, try calling us on our toll-free number: 1-800-DONT-TRY
Leave us feedback (we'll ignore it)