2015: The year we thought we'd finally get our sugar levels under control, but NOPE. It was a year of unrelenting, unapologetic sweetness.
From the sugar-fueled rise of the Unicorn Frappuccino to the fall of the great Cookie Jar, 2015 was a year that will be remembered for ages.
Here are some highlights from the year that just wouldn't quit:
- January: We started the year by consuming approximately 4 billion donuts.
- February: The world saw the first recorded case of 'Sugar-Shock' in a small town in Wisconsin.
- March: The Unicorn Frappuccino was invented, and we never looked back.
- April: We discovered the secret to making candy taste like actual fruit, and it was a real game-changer.
- May: The great Cookie Jar of 2015 was looted by an unknown assailant, leaving a trail of crumbs in its wake.
- June: We celebrated the longest day of the year by eating an entire pizza by ourselves.
- July: A group of scientists declared that sugar was, in fact, a sentient being and we were all its willing accomplices.
- August: We discovered the recipe for the 'Double-Decker Oreo', and it was a real thing of beauty.
- September: A mysterious illness swept the nation, and we were all convinced it was just a side effect of eating too much sugar.
- October: The world's largest candy buffet was constructed, and it was a real marvel of modern engineering.
- November: We realized that sugar was, in fact, the answer to all of life's problems, and we were all set to go.
- December: We spent the month eating sugar cookies and singing 'Jingle Bells' on repeat.
And that, folks, is the year that was 2015 in review. May it serve as a cautionary tale of just how far down the rabbit hole of sugar we'd gone.
Stay sweet, friends!