Phase 3: The Vortex Symptoms
Phase 3 of the Vortex is when things get really weird. Symptoms include:
- Time dilation becomes non-linear, making it difficult to tell if you've eaten a whole pizza by yourself or if it's just been a really long day.
- Colors start to bleed into each other, making all your favorite clothes look like they were made by a kindergartener.
- Gravity becomes optional, but only for your socks. They'll be stuck to the ceiling fan, taunting you with their judgmental gaze.
- Random objects start to play the trombone in your head, and you begin to wonder if you're going crazy or if the objects are just really into avant-garde jazz.
If you're experiencing any of these symptoms, do not attempt to contact the authorities. They'll just think you're a hipster trying to be ironic.
Instead, try to transition to Phase 4: Quantum Fluctuations, where anything can happen, and probably will.