Exceptional Tuesdays: Foreseeable Fortunes

Today, we're going to gaze into the crystal ball of probability and predict... well, not really. We're going to pretend to predict, but let's be real, it's all just a bunch of made-up stuff.

You will find your missing socks in the washing machine. But only if you're willing to risk getting eaten by the lint trap.
Get your daily dose of questionable predictions
Your neighbor's cat will secretly be a cyborg. But don't worry, it's just a phase.
Read more absurd fortunes
Click me, I'm a magic 8-ball!