Welcome to Exceptional Tuesdays, where every Tuesday is a super Tuesday.
This Tuesday, we're focusing on the Exceptional Stock Market Trends.
According to our team of expert analysts (and by "expert" we mean the intern who's been eating Cheetos for 3 days straight), the top stocks to watch this Tuesday are:
Stay tuned for more Exceptional Tuesdays content, or as we like to call it: Exceptional Everything.
Did you know that Tuesdays have been scientifically proven to be the best day of the week?
We're not kidding. It's a fact. Look it up.
Anyway, that's enough self-promotion for today. Here are some actual stats:
Market Cap: $1.23 quadrillion
Market Index: Up 0.5%
Market Mood: Panic
And that's not all! Our team of expert analysts (again, the intern) has also predicted:
A 99.9% chance that the market will crash on Thursday.
A 100% chance that the intern will eat Cheetos on Thursday.
A 1000% chance that the coffee machine will run out of coffee on Friday.
We're not kidding. It's science.
Stay Exceptional, friends!
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