According to our highly reliable sources, here's what's in store for the world:
• A global pandemic of spontaneous dancing, caused by an overabundance of pop music in the atmosphere. Stay calm, but also stay hydrated.
• The discovery of a new, sentient species of coffee beans that will grant its owners temporary telekinetic powers. Side effects may include:
• A sudden and inexplicable craving for 90s grunge music. Don't worry, it's just the spirits of flannel-clad ghosts.
Stay tuned for more updates on the Exceptional Tuesdays Prophecies! Check out our Exception Prophets