Survival Tips for the Modern Human

Warning: The world is a crazy place. You might need these.

Tip 1: Don't Panic (It's Overrated)

Unless you're in a zombie apocalypse, there's usually no need to panic. Unless it's a zombie apocalypse, in which case, PANIC!

• Find a safe place to hide, like a bunker or a really nice treehouse.
• Make friends with a few nice zombies. They're not all bad, I swear.
• Learn basic first aid. You know, for when you inevitably get bitten.

Tip 2: Be Prepared (But Not Too Prepared)

You don't want to be that person who shows up to the apocalypse with a 10-year stockpile of canned goods and a Hazmat suit. That's just weird.

Stick to the essentials: a few energy bars, some water, and a good book.

• Learn to identify edible plants. Or just learn to like plain old ramen noodles.
• Know how to start a fire without matches. Or just bring a lighter.

For more advanced survival tips, click here.

Tip 3: Find a Hobby

Survival can be dull. Find something to do to pass the time.

• Learn to play the accordion. It's a great way to signal for help.
• Write a novel about your survival experiences. It'll be a bestseller, I'm sure.

For more tips on playing the accordion, click here. or for writing tips.

Tip 4: Be Kind to Others

Unless they're zombies. Then just run away.

Be kind to the other survivors. We're all in this together, right?

• Share your food. But not your water. That's just basic survival.
• Offer words of encouragement. Unless they're really annoying.

For more tips on being kind, click here.

Tip 5: Find a Good Spot to Watch TV

Survival can be boring. Find a comfy spot to watch some shows.

Look for a spot with a good view, like a mountaintop or a rooftop.

• Bring a comfy chair. Or just a nice rock.
• Find a spot with a good signal. You know, for when the apocalypse comes.

For more tips on finding a good spot, click here.