Congratulations, you've managed to stumble upon this hidden gem of a website! As a foam turtle, you're already one fin-up on the competition. But don't get too cocky, kid – surviving with a foam turtle is no cakewalk. Here's what you need to know:
1. Drown-proof your shell
You see, as a foam turtle, your shell is both your best friend and worst enemy. It's like having a permanent companion that's always trying to suffocate you. Keep it dry by regularly applying a generous amount of hairspray. Trust us, it's a game-changer.
Not all foam turtles are created equal. You'll want to find one that's on the same wavelength as you. Onesies, perhaps? Onesies are like the hippie commune of the foam turtle world. They're always talking about the meaning of life, and how the system is rigged against them. You might even learn to appreciate the finer things in life – like the art of napping in the sun.
Don't get caught slippin'! Brooms come out to play when you least expect it. Always be on the lookout for those sneaky janitor types with their trusty brooms. You might just need to rethink your entire lifestyle.