Warning: Do Not Attempt This Technique Without Proper Training
Scratching is an art form, not a science. But, if you insist on trying to master the advanced scratch techniques, be prepared to face the consequences of your failure.
This technique involves attempting to scratch a vertical surface with a horizontal motion, resulting in a messy, uneven scratch that will leave you feeling defeated and covered in shame.
Tips for Success (Ha! As If That's Possible)
- Make sure to warm up with some gentle paw stretches before attempting this technique.
- Use a scratching tool with a dull edge, preferably a rusty old screwdriver.
- Practice in front of a mirror, so you can admire your failures.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Will I ever succeed with this technique?
A: No.
Q: Can I use this technique on anything other than a vertical surface?
A: Only if you enjoy the taste of disappointment and frustration.