Fortress Building Phase 1: Planning (The Most Critical Phase)

Before you start building your fortress, you must plan it. Like, actually plan it. Don't just start hammering away and hope for the best. That's just asking for trouble.

Here's a step-by-step guide to help you plan your fortress like a pro:

• Step 1: Determine the purpose of your fortress. Are you preparing for a zombie apocalypse? An alien invasion? A zombie invasion? (Just checking.)
• Step 2: Measure your building site. Don't forget to consider factors like sunlight, wind, and accessibility for your preferred mode of transportation (e.g., unicycles, Segways, etc.).
• Step 3: Sketch out some designs. Consider the shape of your fortress, the materials you'll use, and how you'll defend it from the hordes of marauders.
• Step 4: Create a budget. Don't forget to include costs for materials, labor, and the occasional therapy sessions to deal with the trauma of building a fortress.
• Step 5: Research local building codes and zoning regulations. You don't want to get fined or sued (again).