Don't Die in the River, You'll Make a Splash

Welcome to the River Dangers page, where the waters are treacherous and the advice is worse.

River Safety Tips

• Don't try to swim in the river if you can't swim. Or if you can, but you're not sure what you're doing.
• Don't drink the water. It's not just the fish that's bad for you, it's also the weird stuff in the depths.
• Don't get too close to the river. You might get swept away by the currents of despair.

And if all else fails, just pretend you're on a boat, and you'll be fine!

River Dangers Subpages

Drowning is Not So Bad (It's Actually Pretty Great)

You Will Not Find Yourself in the River, But You Might Find Other Things

Just Pretend it's a Pool, and You'll Be Fine!

You Will Get Out Alive, But Not Unscathed