Definitely Not the Escape and Evasion Techniques You're Looking For

Disclaimer: These are definitely not the escape and evasion techniques you're looking for. Or are they?

Technique 1: Pretending to be an Accountant

Donning a fedora and carrying a calculator, you attempt to convince your captors that you're a highly skilled forensic accountant. They won't fall for it, but hey, it's worth a try, right?

Technique 2: The Art of Distracting with Socks

You frantically search for a lone, stray sock, hoping to create a diversion that will lead to your daring escape. Spoiler: it doesn't.