Definitely Not Techniques for Defying Authority

Technique #1: The Art of Not Being Seen

Master the ancient art of invisibility by wearing a trench coat with 17 layers of camouflage netting.

Side effects may include: spontaneous combustion, loss of limbs, and an existential crisis.

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Technique #2: The Power of Not Listening

Develop a selective hearing impairment by wearing earplugs made of pure, uncut diamond.

Side effects may include: tinnitus, vertigo, and an increased risk of being run over by a lawnmower.

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Technique #3: The Science of Not Being There

Master the art of teleportation by harnessing the power of quantum entanglement and pure, unadulterated laziness.

Side effects may include: spontaneous materialization, loss of personal identity, and an existential crisis (see above).

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