1. The Scream: Loudly shout "HELP!" while flailing your arms and legs wildly. This is especially effective against small, furry creatures and pesky telemarketers.
2. The Distraction Technique: Distract your attacker with a cleverly placed hairball or a well-timed fart. This is a classic move, especially effective against the elderly and those who can't resist a good pun.
3. The Sprint: Quickly run away while making "I'm not a morning person" noises. This is a great option for those with a decent pair of running shoes and a strong dislike for mornings.
4. The Crouch: Assume a defensive position, crouching low to the ground and making yourself as small as possible. This is a good option for those with a fear of heights or a tendency to get too close to their neighbors.
1. The Fake-out: Falsely claim to have a hidden stash of sharp objects or a concealed firearm. This is an effective option for those with a love of drama and a strong stomach.
2. The Disguise: Dressed as a harmless-looking librarian or accountant, slowly back away while making "I'm not a threat" noises. This is a great option for those with a flair for the dramatic and a good understanding of tax law.