Paradoxical Parries: Advanced Self-Defense Theories

Warning: the following theories are not endorsed by any government agency, martial arts organization, or rational thinking entity.

The Paradox of the Unseen Fist

Based on the fundamental principles of Quantum Mechanics, you can now defend yourself with the power of probability.

Simply wave your arms wildly, and the attacker will be confused into oblivion.

Or, as a special bonus, you can use our patented Shadow Dance to create a localized probability field, making you invisible to the human eye.

Using advanced nanotechnology, you can regenerate your limbs and organs at will, making you virtually unkillable.

Side effects may include: occasional memory loss, spontaneous combustion, and an increased risk of becoming a superhero.

By inverting your physical and mental states, you can turn any attack into a defensive maneuver.

Example: if attacked from the left, you simply turn right.

Or, if attacked by a knife, you can turn the knife into a harmless paperclip.