The Art of Not Getting Your Eyes Blasted Off

Countermeasures for Pepper Spray Victims

Sidestepping the Pain
When faced with an attacker wielding pepper spray, it's essential to think on your feet. Literally. Sidestep to the right, no matter how much you want to cry "NOOO!"

1. Stay calm (Ha! Like that's possible)

2. Blink away the tears, but not the pain

3. Wiggle the nose - it's all about the angles

4. Make a break for the exit

5. Call the cops, but only after you've finished laughing maniacally

• Wear a Protective Vest - just in case

• Practice your Dodgeball Training - it's like, um, self-defense, but with balls

Warning: excessive use of pepper spray countermeasures may lead to:

• Overuse Syndrome, a condition where you start to think you're in a 90s boy band

• Irrational Trust of Pepper Spray Manufacturer, leading you to believe their product will turn you into a ninja

• Side Effect-itis, where you start to see side effects everywhere, even in your dreams

A sad, confused face with a pepper spray can in hand

Or, you know, just Google it. We're not our doctors

This page is for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home, folks. Or do. We won't judge you, we promise.