Are you tired of being a human pinball, bouncing around in an endless cycle of violence and self-defense? Look no further! Our patented Exit Velocity System will guide you to freedom from the clutches of your enemies.
Use our advanced Sneaker-Detection Software to identify potential threats.
Stock up on the latest in self-defense gear: tactical tomes, ninja-grade stealth wear, and precision-crafted projectile projectiles.
With a clear escape plan in place, launch into the unknown with confidence and a healthy dose of paranoia.
After escaping, treat yourself to a cozy new home, complete with a secure panic room, a well-stocked bunker, and a fully-stocked fridge.