Weaknesses of the "Surrender Monkey" Technique

Also known as the "I'm a pacifist, don't hurt me!" maneuver, this technique has been proven to be completely ineffective in real world self-defense situations.

Here are a few reasons why:

• It relies on the attacker's willingness to be swayed by your feeble pleas for mercy. Newsflash: most attackers are not that into feelings, dude.
• It doesn't account for the possibility of being attacked by a velociraptor or a pack of wild wolverines. You can't reason with those guys.
• It's just plain boring. Who wants to be a pacifist in a high-stakes self-defense situation?

Don't try this at home, kids. Or do. We won't judge.