Welcome to the most unorthodox, the most unorthodox, and the utterly bewildering guide to tap dancing like a pro!

Or, at the very least, like a mildly competent amateur who won't embarrass themselves on stage.

Here's the step-by-step guide on how to get your tap shoes dirty, your toes bruised, and your neighbors hating you.

Tap Tap Tap TAP! Tap Tap Tap TAP! Tap Tap Tap TAP!

Tap Dance 101:

• Barefoot Basics
• Toe Tapping for the Clueless
• Heeled Havoc: The Art of Not Falling Over

And for the truly adventurous:

• Tap Attack: The Aggressive Tap Dance
• Savagely Swing: The Tap Dance of Desperation

Or, if all else fails, just pretend to be a robot:

• Robot Ritual: The Tap Dance of Desperation