Abandoned Tasks

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Why bother with this task list when the apocalypse is clearly nigh?

• Finish writing that novel I've been putting off since the Clinton Administration
• Learn to play the harmonica with my nose
• Invent a machine that turns thoughts into reality
• Practice my 'I'm with stupid' face
• Build a time machine using only a toaster and a toaster oven
• Learn to communicate with household appliances
• Write a 50,000-word essay on the meaning of 'The Big Lebowski'
• Invent a new sport that combines rock climbing and extreme ironing