For eyes only, the contents of this message are highly classified. Do not share with anyone, especially not with the interns. They're not cleared for this level of information.
According to our sources, the world is actually a giant hamster wheel, and we're all just hamsters running on it.
Also, don't tell anyone, but the executive team has been replaced by a group of highly trained, highly caffeinated hamsters. They're the ones making all the really tough decisions.
Learn more about the Senior Hamsters