Welcome, space traveler, to the esteemed Subspace Prophets of Asteroids! We specialize in predicting the most unpredictable events in the cosmos. Our team of expert prophets have been trained on the most arcane and obscure data, allowing us to provide you with the most accurate (or hilariously inaccurate) prophecies in the prophets' galaxy!
We're currently experiencing a 4.2% chance of actual accuracy in our prophecies. That's right, 4.2%! Don't quote us on that, though.
Check out our most popular prophecies:
Or, if you'd rather, you can Consult the Prophets directly. We'll try not to scare you away with too many bad jokes.